He knows.

Sometimes God breaks our spirit to save our soul.
Sometimes He breaks our heart to make us whole.
Sometimes He sends us pain so we can be stronger.
Sometimes He sends us failure so we can be humble.
Sometimes He sends us illness so we can take better care of ourselves.
Sometimes He takes EVERYTHING away from us so that we can learn the value of EVERYTHING we have.

Because I need it.

This is bad. I’m supposed to live with it for the rest of my life. But how am I supposed to do so? I want a miracle. Correction. I need a miracle. Badly. I’m getting so stressed up thinking about it. It has actually changed my life. It made me into a sad, pathetic person. It shouldn’t be that way. I need to be stronger, stronger for myself and the people who love me.

Note to self: Mish, you are tougher than you think you are. Overcome it. Stay strong. Hold on tight.

Because it said so.

I know that challenges are part and parcel of life. But they were just mere words that played over and over again in my head until recently. When you’re actually experiencing it, it might turn your life up- side- down, or maybe it will change your perspective of life. Examinations are one of the toughest challenges. I literally broke down and cry during my finals. My results were unspeakable. I’m really ashamed. I was unable to fulfill my promise.

Health. Pain. Anger. Depression. Temptations. These are problems I’m seeking to overcome.

I need to trust God. Only He could help me. Only He would understand.

Because I had enough of it.

You need to stop thinking about yourself. It
hurts the people around you.

Another Broken Heart.

Things aren’t going well today. I’m sort of experiencing one of the most ‘depressing’ days of my life. Argh! I kept complaining to MF, SW, TQ and E about it. I hope they don’t think I’m faking it or something. It’s really depressing to know that you weren’t the highest and it’s even more depressing to realize that you’re at the bottom. What’s with me and terrible grades?

ithoughtyouweremyfriendbutyouleftmebrokenheartedyou’vegotwhatyouwantedandthenleftmeallbymyselfsomeofyouryourheartpiercingwordsarebeyondwhaticouldbear.

A New Beginning.

I’ve been facing some challenges lately. Some of which made me cry. But I thank God that He provided me with the strength and courage to overcome it. Some of my good friends encouraged me, others just let me down. It doesn’t matter what kind of challenges you face, what matters most is the way you react to it. Some become hardened and bitter while others grow stronger and more mature in life. Due to the challenges I face, I’ve actually wrote down a list of new resolutions, in which I will try to follow. I’m now holding on to this phrase; ‘If we win, we’ll praise God; if we lose, we’ll praise God’ (adapted from Facing the Giants).

Jeez.

I’m still stuck with exams until the end of October. It’s not fair that we have to undergo examination stress for one whole month!

Anyway, here’s something that happened within the last few weeks.

I went to the orthodontist on the 13th, and she said that I could do braces because my teeth could get worst in years to come. So, they talked and discuss and I went for two X- rays and they took a mould of my teeth. I was supposed to get braces on Tuesday, which was the following week. DANG! My dad changed his mind or rather he misunderstood some facts. Now it’s been postponed until January 2010. What? I was kind of prepared for the treatment (needles and buzzing- scary equipments in my mouth) and then he said that we should op for an observation. Now, the bands are still stuck in my molars and I wouldn’t be going back there until next year. BTW, she told me I do not need extraction! :) It’s not that I love wearing it but I feel that I needed something to correct my protruding front teeth.

Exams drive me crazy. But surprisingly, I wasn’t worried at all for this semester. I now worry because I don’t know why I’m not worrying about exam. Not that I have confidence or that I studied hard enough but it’s quite the opposite actually. I still watch TV although I know it would be a big offense. When I think about exams, it leads me to thinking of the future. Where will I be one and the half years from now? Would I be a failure? Will I be given a scholarship? Did I work hard enough? Would I regret my past actions?

It’s scary and I surely need some guidance.